Italian Vintners Using Secret Ingredient

News Flash (literally) The International Wine Trade Commission has recently issued a report citing that certain Italian Vintners have begun using a secret ingredient to fortify their wines. Marketed under the label "Sbuffo di Fica" the new wine has been subjected to scientific tests which show traces of human pheromones and aromatic esters. Pictured here is the first shot of the new fortification technique. An entire naked woman is inserted into the wine barrel, and her body is vigorously rubbed into the oak staves for an unspecified length of time, sometimes as little as 5 minutes, but others suggest it may take as long as a full half hour. The resulting perfume left in the wine is said to drive men wild. Commissioners are now trying to decide if this constitutes unfair trade practices, adulteration, or is merely a harmless flavor additive, once transmitted into the wine during the time-honored stomping procedure, which used to involve women lifting up their skirts and inserting themselves up to the waist in the grape must. Winemakers claim that this procedure replicates traditional winemaking procedures and should not be considered a new form of fortification. The EU court in the Hague expects to render its decision on the Sbuffo wines later this month.